Is it time for “the talk”?

If you suspect someone close to you is experiencing hearing loss, but you’ve yet to bring it up to them, you are not the only one.

Spotting the signs of hearing loss with a friend, partner or family member is one thing. But actually broaching the topic with them can feel like tricky territory to navigate. In the interest of avoiding making them emotional, defensive or stressed, we often shy away from talking about it altogether.

But continuing to bite your tongue isn’t going to help in the long run. Starting a conversation with your loved one about changes to their hearing will not only make a difference for their health and wellbeing, but your relationship too. This step-by-step guide is your map through the uncharted waters of bringing up hearing loss with a loved one.

Everything to consider before you bring up the topic

Do some background research

Doing your due diligence and reading up on hearing loss before starting a dialogue with your loved one can set you up strongly for a more sensitive and productive conversation. This could be talking to others in your life who know people with hearing loss, reading articles online or watching educational content.

Choose your moment

Rather than starting the talk spontaneously, plan it for a time when you feel they will be the most receptive. Maybe that’s in the morning when they’re well-rested, or on a weekend when their calendar isn’t full. Most importantly, it should be a moment where both of you are calm and have plenty of time.

Set the scene

Choose a private, quiet place where you can talk without being overheard, interrupted or cut short. Ideally, it would be either just the two of you or a group that makes them feel safe to open up – that could be a partner or another family member.

How to ensure the talk runs smoothly and handle objections

Explain your intentions

Let them know that there is no hidden motive for this conversation. All you want to do is talk openly so you can share your perspective and hear theirs. Emphasise that the last thing you want to do is lecture them about the importance of hearing, or pressure them into any particular action.

Start with “I”

Try opening the conversation with an “I” statement. You could say “I have noticed” to share your observations about their hearing, while avoiding pointing the finger. An example sentence starter: “I’ve noticed when we’re [doing a certain activity / in a certain place], I [need to speak louder / repeat myself]”.

Be curious

Try to only ask open questions instead of yes-or-no questions. Open questions signal that you are here to listen and explore the topic with them, not interrogate or direct the conversation to go in one way.

Validate their feelings

Hearing loss is often an emotional topic, so there is a chance this conversation may raise feelings, which is why hearing reassuring words can mean a lot. Some suggestions: “Age-related changes to hearing are really common” “Your hearing getting a bit worse over time is similar to your eyesight becoming less sharp” “I’ll be here the entire time and we’ll figure this out together as a team”

Keep your cool

There’s a chance they could get defensive and reject what you have to say but try not to get frustrated or upset. Instead, lean on examples of times you noticed changes to their hearing to steer the conversation in a different direction. As always, start with “I” instead of “You” and say something like “I noticed you got frustrated when you couldn’t hear your phone [last week].

Get non-biased input

This could be an at-home quiz, an at-home hearing test or a hearing check-up at the audiologist. You can even compare it to an eye test – a completely routine appointment. These approaches enable your loved one to get an objective opinion on their hearing ability, which may be more palatable for them.

End on a positive note

Show appreciation for their openness in talking to you about this topic. You can reiterate that hearing loss is not only normal, but it is a treatable health matter that so many of their peers are probably experiencing as well.

Showing support for their hearing health can extend beyond the conversation

Give them time to process

The conversation might not lead to a breakthrough, and that’s ok. See it as planting a seed in their mind. Give them some time to process and avoid bringing the topic up every time you talk. Let some time pass, and if they don’t bring it up first, you can check in and continue the conversation from there.

Offer a helping hand

• Look up their local audiologist

• Book a check-up

• Keep them company at the appointment

Better together

Emphasise that you’re bringing this up because you care about them and you’re here to help. When they want to take the next step in looking after their hearing, let them know it is something you’d be more than happy to figure out together. Your love and support will show them that you are a partner in this and that they can come to you when they are ready.

While this conversation may seem daunting, it can positively impact the physical, social and mental health of someone you love.

Try to remember, even if it feels awkward or uncomfortable in the moment, addressing hearing loss is one important way to champion better hearing health.

If you feel you need a stronger grasp of the science or some extra bolstering before broaching the topic, read more about how our hearing affects our health.